Grooveshark

After tirelessly leafing through the internet’s expansive cyber-pages, I finally have to agree with Jay-Z when he said “it’s a hard knock life.” For some, that is.

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In fact, recent events have literally caused personal dark, rainy clouds to form over the heads of many, precipitating all over them throughout the day. Just ask Daniel Powter.

Being the humanitarian that I am, it is torturous to see these people hit so hard by the back of life’s hand.

Being the impoverished student that I am, I can do nothing of fiscal value to improve their situations.

What I can — and will — do is give them my personal blessing. A blessing of music.

Talula Does The Hula

This poor nine-year-old was given a laughable name by her parents, one that would never hold up at school in a million years. Rather than throw her to the wolves, a family court judge has retained her under court guardianship to change her name and give her the life she deserves: one free of mockery.

Blessing: “A Boy Named Sue” - Johnny Cash

50 Cent

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Apparently hard up for cash with hip-hop lovers opting for Kanye West’s Graduation rather than his Curtis, 50 Cent has now sued Taco Bell because of an open-letter campaign in which his good name was sullied. He might have wanted to consider doing an ad deal with the late night drunk meal destination, seeing as their idea was at least 17 times better than anything involving him drinking Vitamin Water and conducting an orchestra to play “In Da Club.”

Blessing: “Cry Me A River” - Justin Timberlake

Harvey Dent, a.k.a. Two-Face

There’s nothing pretty about practically losing half of your face in a horrific attack. Once a good-looking and charming D.A., Dent unfortunately refused to check himself and inevitably wrecked himself. Specifically, the entire dermal layer on the left side of his face. No longer good-looking nor charming, he turned to crime at the whim of a coin toss.

Blessing: “Don’t Go Changing” - Billy Joel

Lil’ Kim/Foxy Brown

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As if spending time in jail for lying about a shooting (Kim) and violating probation given as a result of fighting a pair of manicurists (Brown) isn’t enough, the two now have more legal issues on their plates. Both have been sued by a New York publisher who wants the money the two were given in advance for a book by each.

Frankly, they should’ve just crapped out some boring autobiography about life’s hardships and kept the cash.

Blessing: “Money For Nothing - Dire Straits

Mark Richt

The head coach of UGA football is trying to keep a reputation of class by apologizing for last year’s bush league celebration against UF. But everyone in the world knows he doesn’t mean it and acting as if he was totally surprised by the whole thing is pathetic. He is hoping to be accepted again into the realm of “classy coaches,” but I’m not sure it’s possible.

Blessing: “Mother” - Pink Floyd

• Posted in Sounding Board