Sometime next year millions of Americans will cast their votes for the next President of the United States. Issues like the war, illegal wiretapping, and gun control will be painstakingly debated until a candidate emerges victorious. Before and after delivering speeches that touch on these hot button issues, the candidates will play a song that they’ve chosen to best describe them. Since none of them have chosen “Baby Got Back”(why not Hillary, why not?) or “Cop Killer”, there is very little chance that any of these songs will stir up controversy. However, there are subtleties in these selections that even the candidates have overlooked. Having just consumed a heart stopping amount of caffeine I’d like to examine them
Chris Dodd: “Get Ready” by The Temptations/”Reach Out, I’ll be There” by The Four Tops
The senator from Connecticut asserts himself as one soulful politician with a healthy dose of Motown. Dodd has been a fairly vocal advocate of the decriminalization of marijuana, so it makes sense for him to enter debates to the soothing sounds of a song made famous by a band who’s most famous singer died of a drug overdose. Dodd actually enables visitors of his website to suggest songs for him to play on his ipod(cleverly called “DoddPod”). Here was my submission…
“Senator Dodd,
While I do enjoy my Motown, don’t you think it would throw the world a curve ball if you entered debates to the sultry sounds of death metal? I mean, nothing says I mean business like a cacophany of thrash. With Hillary and Barack hogging all of the press, coming on stage to Cannibal Corpse would make the CNN’s of the world take note. Or even “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne because let’s face it, nothing gets a crowd interested than collectively yelping “ay ay ay!”. Just a suggestion.
Sincerely,
Jack DeYoung
Hillary Clinton: “You and I” by Celine Dion
Hillary actually ran a contest on her website allowing visitors to vote on potential campaign theme songs. Apparently a lot of soccer moms use the internet, because the Celine Dion ballad won over u2 and The Staple Singers. One of the choices was Smash Mouth’s cover of “Daydream Believer”, a song Republicans were undoubtedly hoping for as it would have lost her innumerable voters.
It’s kind or ironic that Hillary’s husband Bill lists his favorite album as Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumors”, an album on which nearly every song deals with infidelity. Hillary could have subtly struck back by adopting “Devil With a Blue Dress On” as her campaign theme, but I guess it was just too tactless.
John Edwards: “Our Country” by John Mellencamp
After losing the 2004 Presidential election with running mate John Kerry, Edwards and the democrats released a series of bumper stickers emblazoned with the slogan “No Retreat, No Surrender”. The slogan references a Bruce Springsteen(favorite of Kerry and Edwards) song in which he informs the listener that he “learned more from a 3 minute record than he ever learned in school”. Kind of a mixed message from a guy who is trying to initiate a policy where the first year of college would be free in exchange for 10 hours a week of community service work.
As for Edward’s current campaign selection, does he really want to be associated with a song that has been played ad nauseum on Chevrolet commercials?
Joe Biden: “Centerfield” by John Fogerty
Apparently Biden’s campaign is reaching out to drunk patrons of minor league baseball games. The song was selected because Senator Biden “covers all the bases”. NICE. I guess “No Chance” by Lou Reed was taken?
Rudy Giuliani: Rudie Can’t Fail by The Clash
A while back Rudy was none too pleased with Hilary Clinton’s use of the Billy Joel song “Captain Jack” in her campaign. No, he wasn’t offended by her affinity for melodramatic, bombastic dad-rock. In fact, Rudy was perturbed because he felt the song condoned drug use and promoted (gasp!) masturbation. Had Rudy paid attention, he would have deduced the song is actually anti-drug. Also, couldn’t someone have told him it was a wee bit hypocritical to criticize a masturbation reference when his now ex-wife had to ban his mistress from entering their home?
As for using “Rudie Can’t Fail” as an entrance theme, isn’t that song about a degenerate, jobless lowlife? It doesn’t even have any ambiguous references to 9/11 in it, so it’s quite the surprising choice for Mr. Giuliani.
The rest of the candidates have yet to announce their campaign theme songs, but I guarantee there will be a post on here when they do.
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